Polly's Pride by Freda Lightfoot

Author:Freda Lightfoot
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2013-10-10T16:00:00+00:00

Unaware of the bullying her son was suffering, or of her daughter’s misery at not being permitted to attend her own church, Polly began to feel an urgent need for the ritual and calming influence of her own religion. She wanted to see again the flickering candles that seemed to herald the presence of the Holy Ghost; smell the incense and hear the rhythmic chanting in Latin, most of which she had never understood but had always loved. She did once consider going to see Father Donevan yet couldn’t quite pluck up the courage to do so. He’d never supported her when Matthew had been alive, so why should he now?

One morning she stood at the kitchen window and listened to a blackbird trill its merry song in the back yard. Yet another spring without Matthew. How could she endure it? She couldn’t go on like this. Polly knew she must do something to snap herself out of this endless melancholy. But what?

Joshua came up behind her with one of the powders, mixed in a mug of warm milk, which he assured her would calm her fragile nerves and prevent the panic attacks which so frightened her.

‘Drink up, Polly. You know it will make you well.’ He sounded impatient, as if he were in a hurry.

She nodded obediently, taking the cup from him. Through the grime of the window, which she really ought to clean, she watched the sparrows peck at invisible crumbs, remembering how she and Matthew had always gone to Platt Fields at Easter to roll eggs for the children. After that would come the Whit Walks. But no, not any more. Wasn’t it the Whit Walks that had started the trouble between them in the first place? she thought in confusion. Her stubborn determination had driven her to take on extra work in a public house so she could buy Lucy a new frock. Matthew had been so angry, yet she hadn’t taken him seriously, even then.

If only she could turn back the clock. This single thought was repeated again and again in her head like a cracked record, and nothing would shift it.

Eileen had once told her she should get out more. Polly looked again at the sparrows and thought how lovely it would be to walk in the park. Perhaps that was what she needed to do. Perhaps she should give it a try. She set down the cup and turned to her brother-in-law.

‘I think I’d like to go out for a walk.’

‘No, Polly, not yet.’

Protests formed in her head but none reached her lips. Joshua continued, ‘I’m off out collecting. Big Flo is sitting with Betty Sidebottom while her sister Nellie goes shopping. The woman isn’t fit to be left apparently.’ He’d once hated to leave Polly on her own; now he felt quite certain she would obediently drink her milk and stay by the fire. She wasn’t going anywhere ever again, not until he was ready to let her; or had thought of another way to punish her.

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